


No More Slumber Parties

by doubtful



Series: ΓΕΔ versus Βλυ [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 23:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2365346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubtful/pseuds/doubtful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody can sleep. Some, because they may be slightly hung up on old relationships. Others because of small bouts of insomnia. Even more because they love to snoop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No More Slumber Parties

“Allison?”

“Christ, Church, shut up already!” A pillow drops down from the top bunk with surprising accuracy straight at Church’s face.

If anybody asked later, Church most definitely did not sputter as he pulled the pillow off of himself. “What the hell, Tucker?” He tried to smack his roommate with the pillow, but the other bed was just slightly too high for him to reach over so he just ended up whacking the frame.

“It’s four in the morning, asshole! Some of us aren’t creepily hung up on our exes and actually want to sleep enough to not pass out during Wash’s dumb sunrise training!” Tucker peeks out again from above to glare down and reach out for his pillow. Hell no. It’s crossed the bunk line, it now officially belongs to Leonard Church, Jr.. He’s writing his fucking name on it in the morning.

Another pillow entered the room, but this one was attached to an idiot in blue boxers. “What’s going on, what’s happening. Are we yelling? Did Tucker wet the bed again?” Caboose looked up toward the top bunk as if inspecting it for suspicious liquids.

“Hey, fuck you! It was water! I told you that already!”

“A likely story.” One of Caboose’s eyes narrowed as the other one got that weird crazy look that is normal for sleep-deprived people, but that he could somehow do even with a full night’s rest.

“What’s going on? I heard Church sputtering.” God dammit, Wash. Unlike the rest of them, Wash actually wore a full set of those pajamas only guys over forty wear with a single yellow stripe through the chest pocket.

Tucker was now sitting up in his bed, because apparently he wasn’t allowed to go back to sleep. “Church was having a wet dream about Tex or something, I don’t know, he just kept mumbling her name. Like,” He held his hands together and mimicked Church’s voice, “‘Oh, Allison. Are you there, Allison?’” 

“ _Tucker!_ ” Church looked like he was about to throw his roommate out of the window, but instead, thankfully, he just smacked him with the pillow as Tucker shouted. Eventually Wash just snatched Tucker’s pillow and held it under his arm.  
Caboose took out his cell phone from God knows where and flipped it so the keyboard was open. “So I should tell Donut everything’s fine? And the yelling was just Tucker being afraid of pee?”

“I am not—Caboose, don’t tell him that!”

“Shhhh, it is okay, Tucker, you do not have to be ashamed. You are just the only one who still wets the bed, and that is okay. Church will probably not kick you out. But if he does, I am still available to fill the best-friend-slash-roommate position. Immediately. Yes.” Caboose typed and spoke at the same time, which was more multitasking (or just generally, tasking, really), than anyone present thought he could do at once.

From downstairs, they heard a muffled, “Thanks, Caboose!” that sounded oddly familiar.

When everyone’s heads turned back from the open doorway, they’re all looking silently at Caboose. Wash is the first to ask. “Wait, Caboose, is Donut… here?”

“Yes, of course he is, silly! Doc invited him, they are having a sleepover!” Caboose responded matter-of-factly, not noticing the confused expressions of everyone else slowly changing to realization.

“Uh.” From the doorway, Doc quietly started to back away, regretting his decision to come see what all the fuss was about over here. “Wrong room, my mistake!”

“Doc!” Church and Wash yelled at the same time, immediately halting his retreat.

From there, any sort of actual conversation they may have had devolved into yelling.

\---

Downstairs, Donut hummed to himself as he sent a message out on the mass-text window for all the Reds.

_Hey, fellas! Seems like Church made a little boner, and now all the Blues went upstairs to help him out with it!!! But not much else going on here!!_

A few seconds later, his phone vibrated with a response from Simmons’s phone.

_Excellent work, Donut. Keep feeding us the info! – Sarge_

_Will do, Sarge! I’ll ride those Blues so hard, they won’t even know what hit them!!!_

Another buzz, and it seems to actually be Simmons this time.

_Do you ever actually read what you type before you send it, Donut?_

_Nope!_

Simmons sighs loudly, giving up on both Donut ever changing and on getting to go back to sleep tonight. Might as well get started on paperwork!

“Sir?” He chimes in, making Sarge momentarily break from the night-vision binoculars they’d found in one of the (many) raids on Grif’s room. “As much as I’d love to do recon with you, and I _would_ , I should probably work on some of the paperwork for next week’s party!”

“Are you suggesting I allow you to leave your post in the middle of a covert op, Private Simmons?”

“No, not at all, Sir! I’m just suggesting we assign someone else to sit here for hours and write down everything the Blues do.”

“What are you implying, son.”

“Might I suggest Grif for the job, Sir? That way you can blow the airhorn in his ear if he falls asleep!”

Sarge pauses, then looks directly at Simmons. “We may just make you a soldier yet, Private Simmons.”

It’s the kindest thing Sarge has ever said to him, and Simmons might just slightly have to bite back an excited gasp. His eyes begin to tear up. “Th-thank you, Sir!”

“Stay strong, Simmons! We have work to do, and Grifs to deafen with airhorns! ATTEN-TION!” Simmons salutes before they both run out the attic door excitedly down to where Grif is sleeping like the dead.

**Author's Note:**

> This is waaaaay overdue, it's just been sitting around. I finally decided to just dust it off and post it. It was meant to have more background on everyone, but I ended up just having everyone stand around arguing and getting nothing done. Hopefully that means I'm doing canon justice.


End file.
